Two girls in love....

No happiness here...

2009-04-08T21:52:00.002-06:00

The quality is horrendous! My face looks blah and you can obviously see the sadness in my eyes :( Sorry for the way I sound, my mind was a blur... I hope everyone is well.. Sorry this is so short.

Short but sweet....

2009-03-23T20:34:00.004-06:00

Life has been a little hectic... but in a good way...

On Thursday I went for my first acupuncture session. I was a little hesitant. I didn't know what to expect.. If the procedure was going to be painful, uncomfortable, or stressful. Especially, when I am scared of needles. Oddly enough, I enjoyed it. I felt no ounce of pain in the least, felt calm, and surprisingly I had a lot of energy after that. I have another appointment set up for this upcoming Thursday. The doctor also put me on some natural supplements to help balance my hormones.

Two days ago I also received my very first ovulation detection on fertility friend, I have never had that before. Obviously, this diet and tea are working in my favor. I am so happy :)

Also, on Thursday I have an appointment with the obgyn/midwife. Ugh, I am so self conscious and I hate people looking into my girl parts.. That's just not right! LOL

I am proud to report that I am 9 lbs lighter! Woohoo! I can't wait to be smaller, even though I am going to gain the weight back if I do get pregnant.. I can't blame it on double stuff oreos or blueberry muffins anymore.. :(

It's a short update... I hope everyone is well...

P.S. My previous post of two turtles was a hack.. Not sure what the hell that was about but they sure are cute :) So, I decided to leave them there...

P.S.S I have been spending a lot of time on youtube lately. I am actually doing video blogs about our trying to conceive journey as well. So, if you are interested follow me there too. The link to my channel is on the links section...

"That's all I have to say about that........"

Shake your booty

2009-03-13T21:07:00.000-06:00

My arms are killing me! I feel as though I have spent the last few days circuit training at the gym.. That is seriously far from the truth.. Michell and I spent most of the day shaking our asses off with my new obsession. I know most of you have heard of it "Samba De Amigo"

it's one of the cutest games I have played in a really long time. However, I don't look pretty shaking the crap out of my maracas..

I seriously look as though I am going through one serious seizure.. I have to admit, we had a lot of fun! Plus, I am sure our arms are going to get toned if we play it enough...

A friend of me recommended Fertilitea..

She said that the tea tastes great and that she has seen a difference.. So, of course I did the next best thing, I got online and ordered it.. Should be here by Monday, I am really excited.. Any little thing helps...

Everything is going well. I have my appointment with my OBGYN/midwife on Thursday the 26th. I am excited. I need to get the okay to proceed with my insemination that is 55 days away! I can't believe that.. Time is seriously flying me by.

I was just stopped mid-way through my blog because Michell felt it was important to point out the fact that I was not wearing my glasses.. I mean give me a little slack I just got them yesterday and I have never worn glasses in my life. So, needless to say I am getting used to the fact that I, Tory, need glasses when reading or sitting in front of the computer screen.*sigh*

That's all I really have to report.. Nothing too exciting is going on...

"That's all I have to say about that....."

relapse

2009-03-10T11:49:00.002-06:00

What a difficult 18 days it's been. Yesterday, I relapsed. I ate something not organic and certainly not healthy for me. The guilt ate away at me all afternoon. I felt sick! It had nothing to do with the wonderful carbs that I had just ingested either. I was disappointed in myself. How could I come so far and do something so stupid. *sigh*

Brings me to the next topic at hand... Yesterday, they were giving a mini marathon of the show Intervention. Have any of you ever watched it? I personally love it! I sit there in complete amazement while the alcoholic chugs mouth wash, the heroine addict licks the blood from her arm after shooting up, or while the stay at home wife sprays dust remover up her nose,(yes, the spray to remove dust particle from your keyboard!) I sit there baffled, wondering how the hell anyone could get to that point.

1. Drugs are bad for you!

2. You are slowly killing yourself

3. It's an expensive habit

4. It makes you do stupid things!

5. Some resort to stealing

6. It's against the law

I can seriously go on with this list. But, I am sure you get the jest of it..

I won't deny, sometimes, I catch myself being a little judgmental. Cursing at the TV when they relapse.. And wondering WTF were they thinking going back to it.. Yesterday a little light went off in my head.. How can I judge someone who falls back into temptation, when I did the same thing.. I know fatty foods are bad for me, they are slowly closing up an artery, they make me fat, they higher my cholesterol, and they make me feel drained! Yet, I was eating nothing but greens, fruits, nuts, and healthy consumption.. I feel more energetic, my pants were looser, and I had lost 9lbs!! After all the good I saw and felt, I still had the yearning for a blue berry muffin, my mouth still watered at the sight of pizza, & I would go crazy passing the sushi bars!

So, now rather than being so judgmental on drug addicts.. A part of me can understand.. If I feel so weak when it comes to something like food, can you imagine how hard it is for something more addicting like drugs and alcohol?

Something to think about...

I am jumping back on the bandwagon. I am going to try my best to workout daily, eat healthy, & make this positive change for me.. If I slip up here and there.. It's okay too. Eventually, I won't need it anymore.

"That's all I have to say about that...."

Admittance

2009-03-04T18:10:00.006-07:00

Let me start of my saying... I am fucking hungry!!!! It's been twelve days of taking up this strict diet. It's not so much the eating fruits and ruff age that bothers me because I genuinely like them.. It's the no eating any kind of sweets or devouring anything that is not Organic.. That's the real killer right there!

Lets face it, it took a lot of blueberry muffins & cupcakes to get my body where I am today... I have never been one to snack on chips, so I can careless about the salty snacks.. My weakness is the ice cream and the pastries. I have had neither.

Do I feel a difference? yes, for starters I am always hungry. Do my clothes fit loosely? Yes, but that's besides the point. I have resorted to buying candles that smell like chocolate.

Ever seen movies where couples lite up a cigarette after a real intense love making session? Well, the same pertains here.. Except I lite up my candle after a really good dinner. I mean the kind that leaves me satisfied. Kind of feels as though I am getting my dessert :(

My newest addition is a hand cream that smells like chocolate..

My hands can't get any softer than they are now but I can't get enough of the stuff. The only problem is I want to eat my hands.... Enough about this...

Things are going well.. Jotting down my BBT every morning, continuing on with this diet for 66 more days, working out, taking my prenatals every morning, & staying healthy.

Gosh, I miss days like this....

"That is all I have to say about that..."

Here goes

2009-02-28T13:23:00.005-07:00

Ok....so this is the start of our journey to have a baby!!

Tory has started to get her body ready by going on a completely organic diet. She's been on her diet for the past 8 days and I think it's getting a little easier for her. I try not to eat tempting things in front of her, but she has a mind of her own. For example, we went to Sam's Club the other day to pick up a few things....I LOVE the Nathan's hot dogs but told her I would't get one because I didn't want to make her feel bad. Um....she requested that I get the hot dog so she could....well....smell my lips afterwards. Sooooo I get the hot dog....put some ketchup, mustard, and kraut on it......eat it.....and as we're walking towards the produce section....you got it...she stops me to smell my lips!!!!!

Yeah......the same happened when I at a little cupcake..... It's getting easier for her! LOL!!!

I'm very excited about this new chapter in our lives and we both can't wait to be mommies. This is the start of our journey. We know there will be mountains to climb and we're ready for it!!

Slipping away

2009-02-25T20:17:00.005-07:00

I know I have only been on this diet for 6 days but I don't see/feel much of a difference. I am walking everyday and eating completely healthy. When will my hard work start to pay off?

My cycle is always so irregular. Especially, since my weight gain. Seems as though I bleed in between cycles as well. I hope this problem corrects itself. How on earth will I know when I am ovulating when I bleed sporadically? This is all so frustrating. I don't mean to be so negative. I really don't.. I try to see the positive. Sometimes I just need to vent.

I am fearful that I may not be able to conceive. I see so many women with these issues. It terrifies the shit out of me. I want Michell and I to have a family of our own. I think we deserve it. We are both really good with children & we would be great mothers. Please God, give us this opportunity.

"That is all I have to say about that...."

Fertility Diet

2009-02-23T14:30:00.002-07:00

I have been on my diet 3 days today.. I must admit, it has been quite the challenge for me. Especially, when everything I consume for the next 90 days has to be completely organic. One never takes into consideration how unhealthy our eating habits really are. Especially in today's world, we go for convenience & not quality. I have been eating nothing but greens, nuts, and healthy soups. When I removed all the carbs that my body was used to receiving my body instantly felt weak. It was horrible. Little by little I feel more energetic. I am getting used to reaching for a piece of fruit over the unhealthy sugars that my body begs for.

I read so many stories online about infertility. It breaks my heart. As women you would think that our bodies would naturally conceive. Sadly, it's not the case for so many of us. So many unknown causes preventing us from procreating. I hope my journey isn't so difficult. I pray that we will experience what women are supposed to, the joy of being a mother...

"That is all I have to say about that........."

Taken for granted......

2009-02-21T23:54:00.001-07:00

I never realized how much work would go into us trying to start a family.. Heterosexual couples don't realize how fortunate they are. I am not oblivious to the fact that some of them do in fact have obstacles to face. Infertility does not discriminate.

I am speaking more on the fact that they are blessed that they can try to conceive that little miracle each and every month. We however have the added stress of finding a potential male friend who wouldn't mind donating some of his good swimmers & there are also those who have to seek assistance at the nearest cryobank.

I am currently trying to get my body ready for pregnancy. I am on this very strict diet, The Fertility Diet. Everything for the next three months has to be completely organic. That gets a little expensive too. I also have to write down my daily temperature, CM, & weight loss. We will try our first insemination in May. My period has been irregular due to my weight gain, however I hope that with eating healthier and with regular exercise that problem corrects itself... If not, hello Metformin & Clomid.

Here is the beginning of our journey trying to conceive a beautiful baby of our own...

"That is all I have to say about that...."